Everyone told me it would happen. I’ve got to be honest and admit, though, that I didn’t believe it would be, could be that bad. Everyone told me while I was pregnant that those days were some of the last days when I would get good sleep. I rolled my eyes internally, because people love to give you devastating information that you didn’t ask for when you’re pregnant. (What is that about anyway? People delight in telling you their horror stories and watch you to see how you respond. Listen. If you hear me doing that to some unsuspecting pregnant woman, just pinch me unnoticeably and give me the glare.)
As much as I didn’t want to hear it, though, they were right. My son arrived, and as wonderfully perfect as I thought he was and is, he didn’t allow us to get ANY sleep. I remember Erik and I getting slightly depressed every evening as night approached, because we knew we wouldn’t get the sleep we so craved. Instead, we’d see just about every one of the twenty-four hours of each day.
Perhaps you’ve heard or read the scripture before:
“The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
I’ve heard it quoted so many times in life, and I’ve even done a somewhat extensive word study to figure out exactly what it means for us. That study was quite rewarding, and maybe I’ll tell you about it sometime. These two verses for me, though, prove that the Word of God is full of meaning of which you cannot possibly get to the end. You can dive so deeply and still not find the bottom—EVER. I thought I had such rich treasure from it that nothing richer could come from it; but experiencing a completely new facet of life made it alive in a new way.
You see, when I was exhausted from caring for my newborn, somehow, every morning when the sun came up, I would still feel somewhat refreshed. I would have a renewed energy even though I hadn’t really slept. Of course I had felt this feeling before, but I had assumed that it came from sleeping. It wasn’t until sleep wasn’t an option that I realized that every day, I’m refreshed by God’s mercies for that day! When you think about it, no other explanation makes sense. It’s quite mysterious, but it’s clear at the same time.
The experience of having a child is laced with and wrapped in the mystery of the miracles of God. From the miracle of conception to the miracles of development in the womb to the miracle of birth and to the true miracle of caring for someone else who cannot give you love back but depends on you for everything when you’ve already given your all physically, is what we commonly call parenthood, as though its frequency makes it a common experience at all. Trying to figure out the hows is actually what becomes overwhelming for me. So for now, I’m grateful and satisfied to bask in His new mercies every morning with gratitude for his faithfulness in the midst of my need.