Mommy of 2

I am so enjoying being a mommy of 2 boys! It’s not easy, but it’s full of joy. To realize that the love I feel for Gabriel could even be multiplied is a miracle In itself that I’m sure is intended to point to God’s Love for all of us. I love to watch Gaby and Benji together, even if only for a moment these days, and I daydream about the days ahead where they’ll both realize the gift of sibling hood in one another. 

I’d be less than honest, though, if I didn’t acknowledge that motherhood includes other things as well. There are the tough moments that you forget that allow you to take the plunge again and again (depending on how bad your memory is. ) The biggest one I’ve found is the Attack On Addictions. 

See, I’ve learned (and been shown) that one of the keys to motherhood is selflessness. And all of us have a degree of selfishness that we’re working through. Motherhood, though, snatches one’s ability to hide selfishness or even pretend it’s something else that’s actually operating. It has a way of leaving you raw and exposing what I call your “kindergarten emotions”, emotions that get expressed with no chaser.  And oftentimes in the midst of this daily, hourly battle to do the right thing and make the right choice, we prefer to just... escape. Some of us escape to the television or a book. Some of us escape to social media, the internet, or even food. Food is actually what shone the light on this for me. 

You see, with both of my sons, their allergy to dairy while nursing has led me to avoid dairy myself. It’s not an incredibly difficult process for me, as I’ve had enough allergies and intolerances myself that have affected my diet over the last decade or so. But it does affect how I feel about the things that I actually caneat. And that’s when I knew that selfishness was coming for my food addiction. When you get devastatingly sad because your toddler eats the last pretzel in the dairy-free homemade Chex Mix that your husband made for you, there might be a problem. I haven’t had my last bite of food in the two and a half years since Gabriel has eaten food—so what’s different now? What’s different is that I was using it to make me feel better in a stressful season. 

Listen, I’m all for having a moment or even treats to yourself in a season where you’re literally giving your all, but the problem is putting something, a thing on the wrong seat of the bus. I can’t run to Chex Mix to make me feel better or keep me going. Only God has the power to sustain me in this season. And emotions are good, honest indicators of how much someone or something means to us. 

All this to say, that all is well and normal and good. I’m learning where God wants to sanctify me in the course of this newborn life, and I’m grateful. Truly grateful.